The Diamond Jubilee: [juicy fart noise]

The UK and the rest of the Commonwealth are going gaga this weekend for Queen Elizabeth II’s Diamond Jubilee — and I could not care less.

Obviously I do care a little since I am writing about it. And Bobblehead and a number of Brits interviewed by the WaPo have thrown out reasons why I should care even more — why I should be reverent and giddy to the point of peeing my pants. Alas, though, they have failed. They are pious, admiring, lowly subjects and I am an American; this is what I think of the whole thing: [juicy fart noise].

The Brits, Canadians (QE2 is also the Queen of Canada and the rest of the Commonwealth), Dutch, Belgians, Norwegians, and whatnot all seem to at least want to maintain their monarchies, and I am fine with that. However, I just do not get it. I do not think I ever will. Also, I do not want to. I hope it forever remains a cultural disconnect.

The Brits mentioned above have offered a number of justifications, but to me they are woeful excuses for an inherently unjust caste system, a social hierarchy where the chosen few (chosen how and why?) are born into privilege. It is welfare for the sake of history and pageantry. I agree that the republic we have across the pond is far from perfect, but events like the Diamond Jubilee make me revel in the fact that the fathers of our nation flipped the bird to ol’ King George III.