Break-in at Chez Mervgotti

Mervgotti called me around 5 and asked if he could use my parents’ spare TV.

I was a little confused. Just three weeks ago he asked the same question. His old TV died and he wanted something to “hold him over” until he bought a new one. The spare my parents have was too old for his liking (picky bastard), so I drove him to the Best Buy in Coralville and he bought a brand new HD boob tube and store warranty.

“Did your new one die already?” I asked.

“No. It got stolen.”

Apparently, a couple guys took advantage of his open living room window by cutting the screen, climbing in, and making off with his Dynex and a couple cans of A&W Root Beer that were on the couch. Either that or they picked the lock to his door inside the building (his place has an inside and outside entrance), took his stuff, and had one guy lock the door from the inside and climb out the slit screen. One of Mervgotti’s neighbors noticed what was going on and called the cops. Five minutes later, the dispatcher called him back and wanted to confirm the address. By that time everything was over.

I drove to his place to assess the situation myself and offer my support. Mervgotti had already spoken to a cop (who said to him, “I should start looking for those guys…I guess”) and was telling his neighbors what happened. One of his living room window screens was cut and inside it looked like the burglars had rummaged through his VHS collection. Oddly, they left Clintoris’ shelf of DVDs and PlayStation games untouched.

For just having had his precious TV, the center of his free time, lifted, Mervgotti was pretty chipper. Then again, there was nothing he could do about it. The situation was out of his hands.

This is why my parents never left our ground level windows open or unlocked when we were away. I don’t think they learned the hard way not to give anybody a chance, like Mervgotti hopefully has, but living in LA instilled in them the foresight to keep their place secure. They brought that “better safe than sorry” mentality back to IC and taught me to think the same way. In Huntington I was obsessed with making sure my apartment was locked when I left. Shockingly for me, there seems to be a general reluctance to lock doors, at least among my old roommates in California. I often came home to find the front door unlocked and no one home. My Apartment C roomie thought it was okay to keep doors unlocked because “people you know usually steal from you.” It made no sense. I have no clue why Crocodile Dundee didn’t lock the door. Maybe there’s no crime in Australia.

Lock your doors and windows, people.

The whole thing really pissed me off. Not only was I pissed that people in “the richest country in the world” need to resort to robbery to survive, but that Merv was the person they targeted. He doesn’t have shit. The Chez Mervgotti burglars looked all over for anything of value, and all they took was the TV and a couple cans of pop. That is literally all Merv has.

While hanging around at Mervgotti’s, he bought a used Sanyo from a guy moving out of the building — for $30. There’s no way that TV was worth that much. It looked to be about 10 years old; with a slightly convex screen, it predates even the flat screen craze for tube TVs and computer monitors. You’d think the guy would have a little pitty and just given it to Merv, but no. He was generous, but greedy. If you ask me, Mervgotti got robbed twice today.

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