Convenient store cocaine
Today for lunch I had a banana and a tall can of Frank’s Energy Drink. I’m out of apples and oranges and was too lazy to drive to the grocery store last night, so Frank’s provided 240 calories of midday sustenance. Good eats (not).
My roommate is a salesman for Wrigley’s. He has boxes of gum and candy piled in a corner of the kitchen and along a wall in our garage. Yesterday I helped him assemble a tall, rotating gum rack — literally a skyscraper of gum — he’s presenting to an interested buyer. (We’re completely different people: he’s a yuppie and I’m a bohemian. At night he slaves over spreadsheets, sales reports, and product placement charts while I’m upstairs writing personal essays and short stories, working on my novel, and reading. We do our own thing and pay the rent together. I’m sure it’s a common type of union in major cities all over the world.) He’ll sometimes attend trade shows where companies showcase traditional products, introduce new items, and give out tons of free samples.
Last Friday he came home from a show in San Diego with two giant boxes filled with various brands of energy drinks. Full Throttle, Frank’s, Cocaine, and a curious one called ExtenZe, which apparently makes your dick bigger with every serving, much like the pill of a similar name. Yeah…right. (Each can features a “Big Johnson” cartoon, something I haven’t seen in years.)
Caffeine isn’t my thing, so my experience with energy drinks has been limited to a few tries, mostly of free samples given out on the pier in Huntington Beach. (Whenever there’s an event along the pier or downtown, the trash bins overflow with half full bottles and cans handed out by sexy corporate models. It’s really sad.) But regardless of my decaffeinated nature and ignorance toward convenient store cocaine, I decided to bring a can of Frank’s to work for nourishment. I need something.
Obviously, energy drinks are packed with stimulants. A few ingredients listed on my pineapple Frank’s are sugar, taurine, caffeine, inositol, niacin, and cyanocobalamin. One can alone provides a 500 percent daily value (five days worth) of Vitamin B6 and a 400 percent daily value (four days worth) of pantothenic acid. Other brands include guarana, ginseng, maltodextrin, carbonated water, carnitine, creatine, glucuronolactone, and ginkgo biloba. After a few sips I was feeling the buzz. My head was dizzy with mindless activity, like I drank five Mountain Dews.
Below the nutritional facts is a warning: NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN, DIABETICS, PREGNANT OR NURSING WOMEN, OR THOSE SENSITIVE TO CAFFEINE. It made me think, “What the hell did I put into my body?” Here are some interesting facts about energy drinks and caffeine I just found:
-In the United States, energy drinks have been linked to cases of nausea, abnormal heart rhythms, and emergency room visits.
-A study released by a University of Buffalo researcher links energy drinks, athletics, and risky behavior. The author, Kathleen Miller, “suggests that high consumption of energy drinks is associated with ‘toxic jock’ behavior, a constellation of risky and aggressive behaviors including unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence.”
-Because they are served chilled, energy drinks are often consumed more quickly than hot coffee, which is sipped.
-According to a study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research in April 2006, caffeine makes alcohol users feel less drunk even though their motor skills and visual reaction times are just as impaired as they are when drinking alcohol by itself.
-Mormons and Christian Scientists do on consume caffeine because they believe God prefers them to be free of all addictions. Some adherents to the straight edge lifestyle also abstain from caffeine consumption.
-In a study of energy drink and alcohol consumption in 10 North Carolina universities, researchers found that users who combine the two are most likely to be victims or perpetrators of aggressive sexual behavior (i.e., rape).
-Due to the crash following consumption, energy drinks are known to cause seizures. France banned Red Bull after an 18-year-old died when he drank four cans after playing a basketball game. Red Bull is also banned in Denmark.
-According to the Wikipedia entry for caffeine, overuse can lead to “caffeinism,” which combines dependency with physical and mental symptoms such as nervousness, irritability, anxiety, tremulousness, muscle twitching, insomnia, headaches, respiratory alkalosis, and heart palpitations.
-Also from Wikipedia: “An acute overdose of caffeine, usually in excess of about 300 milligrams, dependent on body weight and level of caffeine tolerance, can result in a state of central nervous system over-stimulation called caffeine intoxication, colloquially ‘caffeine jitters’. The symptoms of caffeine intoxication are not unlike overdoses of other stimulants. It may include restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heart beat, and psychomotor agitation. In cases of much larger overdoses mania, depression, lapses in judgment, disorientation, loss of social inhibition, delusions, hallucinations, psychosis, rhabdomyolysis, and death may occur.”
So…we drink this shit?
My roommate is a salesman for Wrigley’s. He has boxes of gum and candy piled in a corner of the kitchen and along a wall in our garage. Yesterday I helped him assemble a tall, rotating gum rack — literally a skyscraper of gum — he’s presenting to an interested buyer. (We’re completely different people: he’s a yuppie and I’m a bohemian. At night he slaves over spreadsheets, sales reports, and product placement charts while I’m upstairs writing personal essays and short stories, working on my novel, and reading. We do our own thing and pay the rent together. I’m sure it’s a common type of union in major cities all over the world.) He’ll sometimes attend trade shows where companies showcase traditional products, introduce new items, and give out tons of free samples.
Last Friday he came home from a show in San Diego with two giant boxes filled with various brands of energy drinks. Full Throttle, Frank’s, Cocaine, and a curious one called ExtenZe, which apparently makes your dick bigger with every serving, much like the pill of a similar name. Yeah…right. (Each can features a “Big Johnson” cartoon, something I haven’t seen in years.)
Caffeine isn’t my thing, so my experience with energy drinks has been limited to a few tries, mostly of free samples given out on the pier in Huntington Beach. (Whenever there’s an event along the pier or downtown, the trash bins overflow with half full bottles and cans handed out by sexy corporate models. It’s really sad.) But regardless of my decaffeinated nature and ignorance toward convenient store cocaine, I decided to bring a can of Frank’s to work for nourishment. I need something.
Obviously, energy drinks are packed with stimulants. A few ingredients listed on my pineapple Frank’s are sugar, taurine, caffeine, inositol, niacin, and cyanocobalamin. One can alone provides a 500 percent daily value (five days worth) of Vitamin B6 and a 400 percent daily value (four days worth) of pantothenic acid. Other brands include guarana, ginseng, maltodextrin, carbonated water, carnitine, creatine, glucuronolactone, and ginkgo biloba. After a few sips I was feeling the buzz. My head was dizzy with mindless activity, like I drank five Mountain Dews.
Below the nutritional facts is a warning: NOT RECOMMENDED FOR CHILDREN, DIABETICS, PREGNANT OR NURSING WOMEN, OR THOSE SENSITIVE TO CAFFEINE. It made me think, “What the hell did I put into my body?” Here are some interesting facts about energy drinks and caffeine I just found:
-In the United States, energy drinks have been linked to cases of nausea, abnormal heart rhythms, and emergency room visits.
-A study released by a University of Buffalo researcher links energy drinks, athletics, and risky behavior. The author, Kathleen Miller, “suggests that high consumption of energy drinks is associated with ‘toxic jock’ behavior, a constellation of risky and aggressive behaviors including unprotected sex, substance abuse and violence.”
-Because they are served chilled, energy drinks are often consumed more quickly than hot coffee, which is sipped.
-According to a study published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research in April 2006, caffeine makes alcohol users feel less drunk even though their motor skills and visual reaction times are just as impaired as they are when drinking alcohol by itself.
-Mormons and Christian Scientists do on consume caffeine because they believe God prefers them to be free of all addictions. Some adherents to the straight edge lifestyle also abstain from caffeine consumption.
-In a study of energy drink and alcohol consumption in 10 North Carolina universities, researchers found that users who combine the two are most likely to be victims or perpetrators of aggressive sexual behavior (i.e., rape).
-Due to the crash following consumption, energy drinks are known to cause seizures. France banned Red Bull after an 18-year-old died when he drank four cans after playing a basketball game. Red Bull is also banned in Denmark.
-According to the Wikipedia entry for caffeine, overuse can lead to “caffeinism,” which combines dependency with physical and mental symptoms such as nervousness, irritability, anxiety, tremulousness, muscle twitching, insomnia, headaches, respiratory alkalosis, and heart palpitations.
-Also from Wikipedia: “An acute overdose of caffeine, usually in excess of about 300 milligrams, dependent on body weight and level of caffeine tolerance, can result in a state of central nervous system over-stimulation called caffeine intoxication, colloquially ‘caffeine jitters’. The symptoms of caffeine intoxication are not unlike overdoses of other stimulants. It may include restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heart beat, and psychomotor agitation. In cases of much larger overdoses mania, depression, lapses in judgment, disorientation, loss of social inhibition, delusions, hallucinations, psychosis, rhabdomyolysis, and death may occur.”
So…we drink this shit?
Comments
Post a Comment