The Bookworm: 'Stepparenting: 50 one-minute dos and don'ts for stepdads and stepmoms'

Stepparenting: 50 one-minute dos and don’ts for stepdads and stepmoms, by Randall Hicks. Wordslinger. 90 pages. 2016.

So many books on the subject read like a college textbook or a social worker manual. I hope I’ve made this book fun, easily readable, with tips ready to instantly put into action. (p. 89)

I haven’t written about this on ye ol’ blog yet, but I effectively became a stepparent two years ago. I officially became one in October when The Foxy Lady and I got married—another thing I have not blogged about yet. (Time is a precious commodity when you are married with children.)

Stepparenting has been quite a journey, with a lot more ups than downs, and it comes with a pretty steep learning curve, especially for someone who was single and childless for a long time. The Foxy Lady, who has been a stepparent herself, has been by my side the whole time as a compassionate guide. To complement her coaching, she suggested I do some reading, so I searched for recommendations online and found Randall Hicks’s Stepparenting.

Stepparenting, as the subtitle promises, provides 50 quick dos and don’ts. It is the “boiled down” version of lengthier texts, one that skips all the verboseness and gets straight to the important stuff. Almost all of the dos or don’ts are one or two pages. Some seem like common knowledge, others are good reminders to do the things you know, and others are breakthrough insights. All are worth reading. Some examples are don’t criticize a child for bad behavior, criticize the behavior itself; do get ready for “you are not my dad/mom”; and don’t try to be the cool parent.

Stepparenting is just what I needed, and something I plan to consult in the future. It is an essential reference and guidebook for being the best stepparent I can be. I make mistakes and am not perfect, though I have that impossible expectation for myself; I get stuck a lot and don’t know what to do or say, as both a stepparent and partner, because of it. Stepparenting will be and already has been useful. The dos and don’ts I can easily recall have been very beneficial and empowering. Unfortunately, I can’t remember them all, which is why I’m going to keep this book handy. (Remembering things is a big issue of mine since becoming a spouse and stepparent, which is one reason I bought a book with quick and, supposedly, easy-to-remember tips. I also feel I am more likely to recall things I read.)

Though the advice is topnotch, the production quality of the book is mediocre. Does it matter since one cannot judge a book by the cover? Not really, but I feel it is worth mentioning. There are quite a few typos, each do and don’t features a cheesy stock photo, and the design is pretty basic. It has a self-published feel, something someone put together using Word or Pages on their home computer. Stuff like that would normally make someone suspect the content, but the content is worthwhile in this case. It does make me wonder, though, who would look at this and say, “That looks good.”

On that note, who is Randall Hicks? According to his bio in the book, he is an adoption lawyer in SoCal and the founder of the Stepparent Adoption Center. He “has completed over 1,000 stepparent and independent adoptions” (back cover). Based on his background, he seems like he knows a thing or two about stepparenting and the keys to doing it successfully, as well as the things not to do. (While reading the book, I kept thinking of Randal Graves from Clerks. It’s amusing to wonder what stepparenting advice he would offer. Clerks 3 is apparently in the works, by the way. I like the first movie but doubt I’ve seen all of the second movie, though.)

Stepparenting is hard. A lot is out of your control, including the past and whatever goes on with what Hicks calls the “out-of-house parent.” There are so many more variables, but it is very worth it. Stepparenting will hopefully help me navigate whatever challenges come my way.