The Danica Patrick 500

And they’re off.

And they’re not.

And they’re off.

The 93rd edition of the Indianapolis 500 just went back to green after the start was called off and a crash on the lead lap. Memorial Day has officially begun.

I’m not a race fan, but I always watch the Indy 500. Like the Kentucky Derby, it’s one of those magical pieces of Americana I can’t resist. I would love to see it in person.

The little Indy cars are zooming around the track at more than 220 miles per hour, Jack Arute is trackside in his fire suit and circa 1978 headphones, and the race commentators (which surprisingly don’t include Brett Musburger this year) have just mentioned Danica Patrick for the first of many, many, many, many times.

The caution flag is out for the second crash and they just listened in on her radio communication with her crew. Before that she was in at least three commercials. And before that I’m sure they interviewed and profiled her ad nauseam in the pre-race show, which I slept through.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not sexist; I have nothing against Danica Patrick or the possibility of a woman winning the race. But I do, however, have everything against her constant media presence.

Like most IndyCar drivers, she’s nobody to all us non-racing fans every other weekend of the year. But on Indy Sunday her face and name are everywhere. You can’t avoid her. Like I said, not only do they mention her and her position every five minutes, but her acting is featured in every other commercial break. You’d never know there are two other women — Milka Duno and Sarah Fisher — in the race. So far I haven’t heard either mentioned once. That’s understandable since they’re running farther back in the pack (as I write this, Patrick is running 9th and Fisher 14th), but I don’t understand why the coverage focus is on Patrick. Yes, she’s hot; but Duno and Fisher are also attractive. So what is it? Why does she deserve so much coverage?

It’s annoying to the point where I want her to win just so she’ll become another winner, another driver; just so the glass ceiling can be broken and the shards swept away and forgotten. It’s like what someone told me about Cubs fans back in 2003 when the team was on the verge of reversing their curse and reaching the World Series: “At least we won’t have to listen to them ever again.”

I stand corrected: Brett Musburger is there, but he’s not part of the in-race commentary. He’s more of a ceremonial announcer. All the better: in past races he was the one who lead the Patrick-obsessed coverage. His outro before commercials always went a little something like this: “In the lead is [insert current leader], followed by [second, third, and fourth place drivers]. And Danica Patrick is [insert her current position].” Part of me wants to think his commentary expertise was snubbed because he constantly — constantly — played to Patrick.

She’s running fourth now (Fisher is 14th and Duno 22nd). The eighth caution has been issued for a crash on lap 175, so Patrick is in a great position. Commercial break: Another GoDaddy.com spot. Ugh. Not only are they annoying, but they’re also demeaning as hell. They emphasize Patrick’s looks and status as a “GoDaddy girl” and completely ignore her talent as a racecar driver, as well as the fact she’s a prominent figure in a male dominated profession. Instead of aspiring to drive like Patrick and try smashing gender barriers, the policewoman in the commercial wants to be a useless 15-second model for a website.

Thirteen laps to go and it’s getting interesting. Patrick has moved into third so the focus on her has intensified…and finally been justified. She’s in position to win, one reason why Fisher and Duno have been mentioned sparingly (Duno not at all, I think). In a few minutes another Indy winner will be crowned and I’m feeling the nervous anticipation and eagerness that big sporting events arouse.

Five laps. Castroneves is speeding away. His lead is stupid huge.

And there it is: the 3 car has crossed the bricks to finish 500 miles before everyone else. Helio’s signature climb makes it official that the race is his. Awesome.

Who’s the first driver they talk to after the winner? You guessed it: the third place finisher, Danica Patrick. (By the way, Fisher finished 17th and Duno 20th.) (Also, here’s an interesting factoid: the first woman to qualify and race in both the Indy 500 and Daytona 500 was Janet Guthrie, who was born in Iowa City.)